Faith in the Familiar
One of The Three Pillars of Hope, a Program for Women in Transition
Today is a black-letter day for Jessica. It’s the fifth anniversary of her divorce. Five years ago, she thought the divorce would kill her. And who could blame her? Her spouse fought dirty, pulling out all the stops, Battlestar Galactica would have left Jessica penniless if he’d gotten his way.
But today, Jessica isn’t thinking about the past. Instead, she’s out in her garden, kneeling on an faded cotton rug, turning over the soil with her trowel. She’s doing something she’s done all her life: planting bulbs, beautiful yellow daffodils that will come to glory in the spring. She hums as she works, inhaling the sweet familiar scent of earth, feeling the familiar warmth of the fall afternoon sun on her skin. She’s giving herself fully to the enjoyment of this familiar task. The divorce is just a memory in the shadows, while she is thriving in the sunlight.
Jessica is practicing what I call “Faith in the Familiar.” She knows, as I teach my clients, that we can turn to the familiar for the comfort we need to see ourselves safely through transitions, especially perilous transitions. The “familiar” can be a familiar activity (such as gardening or swimming), familiar music, a familiar routine, a familiar place. The familiar just needs to be something steady, known, and that brings you comfort. For example, my dad always sat in the same chair. My grandmother played bridge with the same women for over fifty years. My daughter and I credit card relief the familiar by baking the same Christmas cookies each year.
Faith in the Familiar is one of the core components of the Three Pillars of Hope. I am an expressive arts coach (a life coach who works with art as a medium for healing and guidance). Why a “pillar,” you might wonder. A pillar conjures up images of ancient Greek temples, beautiful structures, some of which are still standing today. Their classic beauty and architectural durability have endured through time and turmoil. Metaphorically, we need pillars to sustain us through transitions.
I encourage my clients to list the familiar places, people, rituals, activities, music, and foods that comfort them. This is a most pleasant and easy assignment! So much so that some clients ask me why it’s important. I tell them it’s a matter of perspective. Although we live in a consumer culture that’s addicted to the new and improved, the old and familiar bring us reassurance. The familiar is solid and dependable. Think of how confident you feel when you cook a tried-and-true entree for your guests. But especially when you’re in transition, solid and dependable are invaluable. They form a pillar in the temple of your new life.
So the value of the familiar is that it gives us stability, even in the midst of change. There’s something deeply reassuring - on a cellular level - about returning to Please Don’t Eat The Daisies childhood neighborhood, our first house, or our childhood church or synagogue, for example. Those places can reaffirm us in an almost visceral way that no matter how much our lives change, some places remain the same. Making a collage of photographs of their familiar places is an expressive arts representation of the Pillar of Familiarity, and many clients like to post theirs where they can see it daily.
Transitions can make serious Erectile Dysfunction on our emotional and physical reserves. In effect, transitions issue a challenge to our bodies, minds, and spirits. To skillfully meet this challenge, we need to deliberately support ourselves on many levels. Are you dealing with a transition? If so, try this exercise to visualize familiar things that evoke feelings of comfort: Sit quietly and let the pictures and feelings flood your consciousness. Hear your grandmother’s voice and kind words. Sit again in your accident at work claims lap as she reads you favorite bedtime story. Inhale the perfume of the majestic redwoods that you stood under as a child. Be there. Remember. Perceive the memory with as many of your senses as possible.
We are so fortunate as humans that visualization gives us the opportunity to continually re-experience feelings (for good or for bad - our choice!) from our past. In our times of transition, we need the feelings of comfort. That’s the magic of Faith in the Familiar. Once you can visualize your own familiars and are in the flow of these experiences, you could write a poem (any poem, it doesn’t have to be good ) to capture the emotional comfort and recall it later.
Transitions are tough, no doubts about that. But we can choose to take the opportunity to be gentle and caring with ourselves. We can be like Jessica planting her bulbs, basking in the comforting familiar feelings the activity brings her and not allowing memories of a bitter divorce to derail her life or her equilibrium. We can choose to overcome, to be well, to thrive. The expressive arts can give us the tools to do just that.
Ann Bracken, owner of The Possibility Project, offers group and individual expressive arts coaching programs for adults in life transitions as well as enrichment and academic programs for adolescents. With 15 years of work in education, linguistics, freelance writing on wellness issues, journaling, and poetry therapy, Ann has seen how effective the arts can be in helping people tap into strengths and build on existing skills. Her next series of workshops, called The Three Pillars of Hope will be held in Columbia, MD. Introductory program at Howard Community College Adult Ed.For details and registration: website: www.possibilityproject.comwww.possibilityproject.com email: href=”mailto:anniebluepoet@comcast.net”>anniebluepoet@comcast.net
